Penn State Poem

by Anonymous (2002)

Why We Live and Love PSU!

Screw this 100-degree crap…
I’m tired of ozone warnings and heat…
I’m sick of getting into work, dripping with sweat…
It’s unbearable outside and there are no good sports on…
And a strike might piss away yet another World Series…

I want 50 degrees, a wind chill, and a crystal clear blue sky…
I want a fall Saturday in Happy Valley…
I want to get up at 6am, beer in hand by 7, and at the stadium tailgating with the other hard cores by 8…

I want a bahamamama…
I want coolers filled with ice-cold beer…
I want four tables packed with cheese, lunchmeat, veggies, pasta
salad, chips, salsa, Mexican bean dip, cookies, and basically so much food that the spread could feed all of Beaver Hill let alone a group of tailgaters that basically fill up on beer…

I want to stand in line cross-legged for 30 minutes about to burst at the port-o-johns…
I want to see the steam rise from the port-o-john when I take a whiz…
I want to piss behind a car door…

I want swat teams of cops swarming around in shifts like the SS…
I want to be drunk off my ass with a F-Nebraska t-shirt on…
I want to ask people “what the f**k is a buckeye?!?”…
I want to yell, “Ann Arbor is a whore”…
I want to acknowledge a fellow Lion who will give me a hearty “PENN STATE” in return for my “WE ARE”…
I want the band to come to the tailgate playing the greatest fight song in the world…

I want to shotgun 3 beers on the walk to the stadium…
I want to walk into Beaver Stadium, see the grass for the first time, feel like Rudy’s dad, and mumble to myself, “this is the most beautiful sight these tired old eyes have ever seen”…

I want to feel that chill that goes up my spine when the Blue Band strikes that first note…
I want to yell when the drum major nails that first flip…
I want to pump my fist to the fight song…
I want to get ready to “ROCK AND ROLL”…
I want to stand on those cold metal bleachers for 4 hours with a million ups and down of joy and agony with every play…
I want to pee in a trough…
I want to make myself hoarse from yelling “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!” every time the defense is on the field…
I want to yell at the referees…
I want to do the asshole chant…
ASS-HOLE…
I want to eat $4 hot dogs and soft pretzels with cheese…
I want to hear the Lion roar…
I want to see the Lion…
I WANT THE LION…
I WANT THE LION…
I want to hear the band play “brown eyed girl” when we get ahead by 4 touchdowns…
I want to see cups of Pepsi flying from all directions in the student section…
I want to see Larry Johnson bust a run up the middle and watch the entire stadium celebrate…
I want to high-five all of my friends after every Lion touchdown…

Only days until kickoff…

Yeah…
F summer, F Nebraska.